If this isn't nice

I wanted this to be a shorter post so that I could publicize an improv show I’m doing over the next few weeks, but it seems like now it’ll be a regular length post with a very late announcement (first show today at 4pm).

I’m performing at CSz Seattle with The Loop. Our show is called Meet Cute, and we’re sharing the stage with two other excellent groups, Movie Mash and Neighborhood Block. If you’re in the Seattle area (or planning to be soon) come check us out. I’ll be in the following shows. For other shows and more information, check out CSz Seattle’s website.

• 4pm Sunday shows: Feb 9, March 16 at CSz Seattle - The Atlas Theatre (Free!)
• 8pm Friday shows: Feb 14, 21, Mar 7 at CSz Seattle - The Other Theatre ($10)

Well what do you know? I’m starting with the one resolution I said I wasn’t going to do. I just can’t get this concept of mental habits out of my mind which is, ironically, illustrative of the very problem I’m trying to solve. I like my thoughts, but even positive or enjoyable thoughts crowd out other types. I wish I thought more about being grateful, about other people, or even about making plans. I’m too content to board whatever train arrives at the station and see where it goes (usually in circles), even when, say, I’m running late and I should be trying to get on a train that will take me closer to my destination (or even wait on the platform and think about where I want to go).

I’ve tried to sit down and take an hour to plan out my week before. It works pretty well, but it’s hard to plan all the details at once, it doesn’t allow for much flexibility and making new plans on the fly, and it relies on actually finding the time to do it. That’s why the concept of mental habits appeals to me. It’s a more versatile way of converting a bottom-up trigger into a top-down thought, and once the habit sticks, it becomes second nature.

As I implied in my resolutions, most of the mental habits I want to adopt are self-flagellating, but I want to start on a more positive note. Many years ago, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is” supplanted “I can have oodles of charm when I want to” as my favorite Kurt Vonnegut affirmation¹. Though a handful of exceedingly nice moments over those years have reminded me of the quote, it’s never really stuck in the same way that it clearly did for him and his Uncle Alex. Among the reasons I wanted to keep this piece short is that, like many things about Vonnegut, I find the saying to be incredibly charming, and I can’t bear to eviscerate it by explaining why.

I have a lot of room to be a more grateful person. I considered writing down a few things I’m grateful for each day, but I don’t want to assign myself more chores. It would be one more thing to feel obligated to do and feel bad about when I don’t. Much better to note things I’m grateful for as they arise.

The ideal way to develop this habit is to spend a lot of time with Uncle Alex (or someone else who says it), and contract the social contagion. Absent that, it’s tricky. You run the risk of evaluating every moment and often coming up disappointed². For that I have a couple experimental remedies.

For one, I need to lower my bar for what qualifies as “nice”. It’s not “ecstasy”, “the best thing ever”, or “life-altering”. It’s just “nice”. In the process of drafting and revising this, as I’ve naturally started thinking about it more, I’ve discovered that many more things are nice than I realized.

The other idea is to put my finger on the scales and make more of an effort to find myself in nice situations: among friends, in a state of flow, in nature. Speaking of which, it’s snowing now³ and I must go outside.