I don’t know how much I feel like disclaiming this. I grew up in a very anti-Reality TV household, and it took “ironic entertainment” and “guilty pleasure” phases before I decided that this is just something I enjoy, and I try hard not to feel superior to other people who enjoy it or other things I think are stupid.

Shades of Reality and Other General Notes

I am aware that “Reality TV” is the most notorious misnomer. None of it is “real” by standard usage, but there are many shades of reality. I’m not foolish enough to try to define the most real representation of people, relationships, or events, but I wouldn’t expect it to involve cameras at all (so there goes that idea for a show). Slightly less real would be some hidden cam show edited for drama. You’d have to ask Susan Sontag about how real this is, but I don’t know any shows like this. If they do exist, they’re too voyeuristic for me. Next come shows where people in normal circumstances consent and are aware that they’re on camera, but otherwise try to act as they normally would. I’ll lump everything else (i.e. producer influence, being stranded on islands) together as the least “real”. Although my own preferences bleed through below, I don’t actually believe that any of these are inherently better or worse than the others. It’s all about recognizing what level you’re on, suspending disbelief, and not expecting CGI when you go to Lion King on Broadway.

People also love to mention that, as a format, dating shows seem allergic to substantive conversation. I can’t argue with this. If I had to guess, I’d say that stranger’s personal problems are less interesting to us than we think they are, so to make a popular show you have to show the bare minimum necessary to motivate the interpersonal drama and storylines of the show. (I’m sure plenty of people are just plain vapid, but I refuse to believe that’s true of everyone on dating shows. Although maybe that’s just selection bias for you).

The Bachelor

Full disclosure, I became aware of The Bachelor during Ben Higgins’s season, and have been following recaps since Arie’s (Season 22/26 currently). I don’t think I could come up with a worse format if I tried. (Maybe Love Is Blind, but I haven’t seen enough of that to judge). I know all Reality TV is Unreal to some degree, but The Bachelor takes the cake. The premise, if somehow you’re unaware, is that 20-30 women pursue one man. Starting at the Bachelor Mansion and eventually travelling around the US and World, each week, the “Lead” goes on group and one-on-one (read: normal human) dates and eliminates a few contestants every week. The final four go on “Hometown” dates where they show the Lead where they live and introduce him to their families. The final three dates are “Fantasy Suites” which are exactly what you think they are (no cameras allowed). The final two meet the Lead’s family, and he either proposes to the winner, they decide to continue dating but take it slow, or something dramatic happens and everyone loses and it was a big waste of time. If you’re curious about the efficacy of the process, out of 25 seasons, two former bachelors are still with the people they proposed to, and 2 are with their runners-up.

The format ensures that most of the time, the women are spending most of their time together, so much of the drama arises among the women rather than in their relationship with the Bachelor. The drama always comes back to people “not being there for the right reason” (i.e. they’re on a TV show for followers and clout rather than to find true love which, based on the “success” rate of the show seems the only sane reason to go on it.) (In the early stages, they always edit/manipulate things such that there’s always a villain.) It’s not until the final few that it feels like the Bachelor has a strong relationship with everyone left, and you actually care about who goes home. But even then, the drama is about dating 4 people at once. The most relatable scenario is when they get down to the final 2, and each woman. Should he go with the “safe” option or the “passionate/hot/volatile” one? And of course by “go with”, I mean propose to, so even then, not super realistic (I hope).

The Bachelorette

The Bachelor but gender-reversed. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but in general, the Leads seem more serious about the relationships on the show and better at dealing with the Men’s drama. Out of 18 seasons, there are currently 5 former Bachelorettes who are still with their final picks. Again, I’ve only watched recaps since Becca Kufrin’s season (which immediately followed Arie’s season of The Bachelor). If I could make one change to try to improve the shows, I would change the elimination schedule such that most contestants get eliminated early on, and more time is spent with, say, the top 6. That might eliminate some of the more artificial “villain-y” drama and replace it with more substantial drama between people we actually get to know and sympathize with a little more.

Single’s Inferno

On Single’s Inferno, 4 men and 4 women are stranded on a hot, uncomfortable island for 9 days. They have to walk up a big hill to get water and they have to cook their own food. Every so often, everyone secretly picks someone to go to “Paradise” with. If two people pick each other, they get to go spend a night together in a luxury hotel and order an obscene quantity of food. They’re also not allowed to discuss their ages or professions in “Inferno”, so it’s a big deal when they get to go to Paradise and learn those intimate details which is funny because almost everyone is obviously a model in their 20s. It’s a little depressing because you get to watch half the people grow bored over all the people fawning over them while the other half experience rejection for (probably) the first time in their lives. They also bring in a few new people halfway through which didn’t seem fair because they didn’t have as much time to get to know everyone.

Too Hot To Handle

Premise: a bunch of hot people are stuck together on an island, and they lose money from a collective pot for engaging in any kind of physical intimacy beyond hugging. It markets itself as a way to teach these shallow people to be vulnerable and look for something deeper in their relationships. Everyone responds really differently. Some are resentful; some get invested in it. A lot of the drama arises from some people not taking their collective goal seriously. This is the perfect example of a dating show with zero external validity that is nevertheless a joy to watch. I’ve only watched the first season, but compared with The Bachelor franchise, I found it much easier to sympathize with both the heroes and the villains. At least everyone’s actions make sense given the context instead of just seeming like horrible caricatures of themselves.

Dating Around

Each episode, 1 person goes on 5 first dates, and at the end they choose one person to take on a second date. The strength that this show has is in the diversity of the Leads. They cover a variety of ages, genders, sexual orientations, and races. It’s really interesting to see how differently people approach first dates, how open they are, or how fake-nice. Truly the sociologist’s dating show. It’s also fun to try to guess who will get the second date.

Terrace House

In this Japanese reality show (which is always described as reality TV for people who don’t like reality TV), 3 guys and 3 girls live in a house together with cameras. The show is pretty much just about them going about their daily lives and going on dates with each other. Whenever someone leaves, they are replaced by someone of the same gender.

I discovered this show during the Tokyo 2019-2020 season which I’ve seen all of. I’ve also watched Boys and Girls in the City, the 2015-16 season, and the first section of Boys X Girls Next Door, the original 2012-13 season. I generally agree with what other articles have already said about it. If you want to watch a comforting, calming reality show, this is what I would recommend. Here I’ll just mention some observations about the show’s evolution over the years.

I’m not sure if the initial show was even marketed as a dating show. About half of the original cast were already in relationships. By the second season, whenever new members entered the house “What’s your type?” was always one of the first questions. And by the final season, I think everyone who entered the house was single. The other major shift over the seasons was in the amount of self-promotion. The first couple seasons feature a fair number of students, athletes, and aspiring firefighters. By the final season, almost everyone is a model, artist, entrepreneur, or aspiring actor.

The outcome of these countervailing affects over the seasons (I watched) is that, in the first season, no one knows what they’re doing. They have few preconceived notions. I haven’t watched enough to see if relationships develop, but if they do, it takes a while. In the second season, everyone is on the same page, and they get down to business going on dates and figuring out who they like. There are multiple relationships, and many more potential relationships. In the final season, it seems that half the people are genuinely there to date, and the other half are just there for the self-promotion. I think this is fair (unlike The Bachelor, people don’t talk much about being there for the “wrong reasons” (in fact, they usually ask new members why they’re joining when they move in)). But it does create real problems when people pursue the self-promotion people and force them to try to reject them while maintaining their image but not betraying the real reasons they’re there. Not my cup of tea.